QueenJack
by JCroe
Summary: Hideyoshi finally accepts the fact that he'll never be seen as a man. So he takes to cross-dress modeling for Voyeur! But, a certain someone just won't have it!
1. Chapter 1

Baka to Test to Shoukanjuu

Queen-Jack by JCroe

*Note that I use "Voyeur" and not "Muttsurini" for the pervert's nickname. That's how it was when I watched the anime. That's what the sub called him. Even if it's not entirely right, I still liked it, so that's what I'm calling him. As well as everyone in the story.*

"Great!" Voyeur said as blood flowed from his nose. "Amazing pose!"

"Are you kidding me!" Hideyoshi said as he posed for Voyeur's camera. "This is really embarrassing…"

"Hey, you're the one who agreed to do this for money, Hideyoshi."

"You're awfully talkative today, huh, Voyeur? Not living up to the name of 'Silent Ninja Pervert'?"

"Shut up and do another pose," Voyeur said, taking shots with his new camera. This thing was amazing. It could take over one hundred shots before he had to dump some images or put them on a computer. And these were amazing quality images.

Hideyoshi flash-changed into a traditional Chinese dress. This one would be worth it. He'd actually been considering a career in cross-dressed modeling, and this might actually be a nice start. If Voyeur wasn't being such a pervert about it, Hideyoshi might have enjoyed it a little bit. But it didn't matter. There was money to be earned, and he needed it. Ever since he'd "accidentally" taken his sister's uniform and yaoi-disguised-as-textbooks and she'd complained, his parents had cut off his allowance, and there weren't any opportunities for high school students to do part-time work. This was the next best thing. If people were going to tease him about looking like a girl, he might as well get paid to look like a girl. He flashed a very revealing pose that would have made any man's nose explode with blood.

Voyeur was stronger in this regard than any man. He was able to snap a few shots before collapsing, writhing in a puddle of his own blood. "Ama…zing…Hide…yoshi…kun…"

"Geez, Voyeur," Hideyoshi sighed. How many times should this guy have bled out? Seriously? He lost almost his entire body weight in blood on a weekly basis from all the nosebleeds he got. But this guy defies the laws of physics. Somehow. Hideyoshi didn't know physics. It was too confusing for him. Which was why he was in class F.

The door into the classroom burst open, and Hideyoshi was suddenly very glad that Voyeur had constructed a makeshift photo-booth so none of his classmates would see him like this. Then he realized that it didn't matter. Anyone who wanted to see him in girl's clothing just had to buy a picture from Voyeur.

"Yo, Voyeur, what's up with the photo-booth," Akihisa's voice said from somewhere in the decrepit classroom.

"Photo shoot," Voyeur said shiftily. He was being the SNP again, thankfully.

"Oh? Who've ya got in there?" Akihisa asked. He came to where Voyeur was shooting.

But Hideyoshi was faster. He flash-changed into his school uniform and slipped out before Akihisa could see him in the booth. "I think we're done for today, Voyeur," he said as he gathered his things. "Just to be clear, it's a 50% cut for each sale, remember?" He smiled and winked at Voyeur, who must have lost at least another quart of blood from that alone. It had the same effect on Akihisa. "See you around, Akihisa-kun."

Akihisa could only stare as Hideyoshi walked calmly out the door. "I swear, that guy is hotter than a lot of chicks in this school," he said after Hideyoshi had left. "So, hook a brother up, Voyeur. Lemme see some of those pictures you got of him."

"400 for a single," Voyeur said shortly.

"Shit, man!" Akihisa exploded. "I'm really short on cash! Come on, we're buds, right? You can give me a discount, right?"

"300, no less. Unless you can get him to go nearly naked for a shoot. If you can manage that, I'll give you all of these for _free_."

Akihisa laughed quietly. "I'll see what I can do," he said, smirking. "Can you at least show me some of what you've got?"

Voyeur turned his camera so that Akihisa could see the last photo, the one of Hideyoshi in the Chinese dress. Akihisa's nose exploded in a river of blood. It was like looking into heaven.

The door clattered open. Himeji walked in. "I forgot my textbook, so I came back to get—" she stopped dead when she saw Akihisa, blood flowing freely as the River Styx from his nose. "Omigod, Akihisa-san! Are you alright? What happened to him, Voyeur?"

"Picture," Voyeur said, flashing the photo of Hideyoshi at her. Quite to Voyeur's surprise, Himeji fell backward, a small trickle of blood streaming from her own nose. "Ah, are you alright, Himeji-san?"

"Just… fine… Is that Hideyoshi-san in that photo?" Himeji asked weakly.

"It most certainly is. Would you like to buy a copy? Special discount, for you and you alone, 150 yen," he said, snapping pictures of Himeji as she pulled herself up off the ground.

"What the fuck, man!" Akihisa, somehow miraculously revived, shot up, yelling. "You say you won't go any lower than 300 for me, but you automatically put the price at less than half that for her? What gives?"

"Just trying to make a sale."

"Sale my ass!"

Himeji chimed in. "Hey, uh, Akihisa? Do you think we could go see a movie tomorrow? There are some new ones I'd like to see."

"Ah, actually, my sister is going out of town for the day tomorrow, so I think that would be a great time! I'll meet you by the theater at 10, then?"

"Sure! That would be great!" Himeji got up and bounced out of the room like a cloud. A big, bubbly, pink cloud.

"Your sister is out of town tomorrow?" Voyeur asked.

"Yeah, so what?" Akihisa looked at Voyeur suspiciously.

Voyeur grinned. "Do you mind if I use your bedroom?"

"What the fuck for!" Akihisa hissed.

"Photo shoot," Voyeur said, pointing to his camera.

"Well, I guess that would be okay, but I don't think there would be any problem even if my sister was there," Akihisa said, chuckling weakly.

"Thanks much, Akihisa. If you'll excuse me, I have to talk to my model." Voyeur got up and stalked out of the room, leaving Akihisa alone.

"Guess I'll go home then," Akihisa said to himself.

He too left the room deserted, save for a pair of eyes watching from a hole in the supply closet.


	2. Chapter 2

Queen-Jack by JCroe

"No way, Voyeur. No can do." Hideyoshi said, shaking his head. "I can probably go to Akihisa's house, but no way in hell am I stealing my sister's lingerie."

"Well, then I'll have to ask an expert," Voyeur said. He pulled out his phone and dialed a number.

"Who are you calling?" Hideyoshi asked, almost too exhausted to care.

"Yo, Shimada-san. It's Voyeur," he said. Hideyoshi froze. "Yeah, I'm still at the school. I've got a favor to ask of you, but I'd like to do so in person. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'll meet you in about 10 minutes. See ya." He closed the phone.

"You aren't going to ask to borrow Minami's lingerie, are you?" Hideyoshi asked.

"No, I've got a better idea," Voyeur said with a catlike grin.

–10 minutes later, just outside the campus–

Minami walked up to Voyeur and Hideyoshi, who were just entering a coffee shop. "Hey, guys, what's up?"

"Please, Minami-san, will you join us for coffee?" Voyeur asked in an all-too-gentlemanly manner. His face was still plastered with the same catlike grin.

They found a table and ordered their drinks. "So," Minami said, getting straight to the point. "What did you want to ask me about?"

"Well, Hideyoshi-san and myself have formed a sort of business deal," Voyeur said quietly. He took out his camera and showed Minami the last photo of Hideyoshi. She giggled.

"Omigod, that's just too cute!" she squealed. "Is that really you, Hideyoshi-san?"

"Yeah, it's me alright…" Hideyoshi didn't look very happy.

"Now, Hideyoshi-san and I are using Akihisa-san's house tomorrow for a photo studio. I was wondering if you wanted to help out. Any picture I sell featuring both of you will have its profits split as such: you and Hideyoshi-san each get 35% of the profits and I'll keep the remaining amount."

"Sounds interesting. Will Aki be home then?"

"No, he's going to see a movie with… his sister." _Better keep the fact that he's going with Himeji to myself if I want her to stay on the project._

"Oh, he's spending some quality time with her, how nice."

"Yes, very nice. Can you make it?"

"Sure thing. Sounds like a nice opportunity, and I won't get teased about being flat." She took her lemonade from the waitress and sipped it.

Voyeur snapped a photo. His nose was bleeding very slightly. "Oh, and one more thing. Don't get mad or take this the wrong way, but could you bring along some lingerie?"

Minami blushed a deep shade of crimson. "Where do you get off asking something like that, Voyeur?" She slurped her lemonade.

"No pressure, Minami-san," Voyeur said, sipping his latté.

She continued blushing. "I'll do it," she said quietly.

"Excellent," Voyeur said under his breath. "Could you make sure you bring a few different sets? I want to see what I can do with Hideyoshi in it if you don't mind."

Hideyoshi coughed on his oolong tea. "What the hell?" he hissed. "You never said I'd be put in lingerie!"

"You never suspected that's what we were doing when I asked you to borrow it from your sister? No wonder you're in F class."

"Besides," Hideyoshi said, blushing, "Minami's would probably be too big for me."

Minami flushed an even deeper shade of crimson. "Well, they wouldn't be too terribly large on you. I'm not that big."

"Hey, you two. Remember, this is just an experiment. I don't know how well it'll work, but I need you two to concentrate. Remember, tomorrow, 10 o'clock sharp. And I'll pick up the tab." Voyeur reached for the check. "And, Minami, don't let that chick who's completely lesbian for you follow you. She'd mess everything up."

Minami's temper instantly flared. "If that little bitch follows me, I'll fucking kill her!" she hissed.

"Good to know. Just don't get caught if it comes to that." Voyeur stood and took the check up to the counter. His deadpan was always perfect; unless it wasn't deadpan. Then it was just creepy.

"Tomorrow should be… interesting, Minami-san. I'll see you then?"

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow."

Both Hideyoshi and Minami blushed fiercely. Both were feverish with anticipation of what it was that Voyeur was planning for tomorrow.


End file.
